Confronting the Mystification





ponza_streetscape-3     ponza_view-from-hilltop





Inexplicable situations sometimes arise where the facts and progression of events get so entangled with emotions, other people’s as well as your own, that it’s hard to decipher what actually happened, who is or isn’t involved, who said what to whom, and what your own part in it actually is. Sometimes someone’s reaction to a occurance or response to something you have done, can be very unexpected, seem to put you in the wrong, and make you question your own good intentions. This can be quite unnerving, since, by going down this path, you are essentially striving to undermine your own value judgement system.

It is wise, at this point, to stop for a moment and examine the preceding storyline in a dispassionate way, only the facts, without embellishment. Imagine you are giving an outline of the basic information to to a valued and trusted friend, someone who is very practical and not interested in personal opinions or making moral judgements. After laying down the facts, reflect on them for a while. Ask yourself if you did something wrong, or if you did something unintentionally to hurt someone else. Were you a bit cruel with someone without realising it, were you acting out of selfishness, spite or some other negative motivation. Be completely honest with yourself if you want the story to unravel in a realistic way.

If the answer to these questions is yes, then you may have things to learn from the experience. It helps to invent a scenario where you handled the situation better, so that if a similar incident ever happens again you are better equipped to deal with it. You may find you owe someone an apology, which is fine, everyone makes mistakes.

However, if the response to the questions is no, and you still feel that you are being wrongly judged or regarded, then the conclusion to be reached is that everyone else involved is a bit illogical. Maybe at this point it’s a good idea to retreat for a while, to let it go, because there’s nothing you can do, it’s out of your hands. Acceptance is a valuable strategy. Shrug your shoulders and realise that world is a complicated place, it’s just the way things unfold sometimes.

All photos of Isola di Ponza, Lazio, Italy by Ju Underwood